i hate feelings.
but feeling nothing is not human. sometimes i feel nothing but never when i want to.
also, my step grandmother was nice today. (i'm going to start calling her 'grandma' because that's what i call her in person anyways.) it made me feel bad for saying she was fucking annoying but it doesn't change the fact that she was yesterday. today is just a new day.
and i don't feel much right now.
i want my best friend right now. she's the only one who really understands me and is the only one who has ever been able to my whole life, i think. but i feel like we're falling apart. i feel that much and it scares me.
the more that you fear us, the bigger we get
I remember when I stopped feeling, it was the best sensation I thought I could ever have. It was even better than sex. Then I started feeling again after some bad stuff happened, and all I wanted was to stop feeling. I tried so much to make this happen. The point of this comment is that I realised not feeling actually caused me more pain than anything else, because the emotions I'd missed out on during that time were intensified and crammed up inside.
ReplyDeleteDealing with day -to - day suffering makes us who we are, and it seems you have plenty of suffering to make up for a lot of people, therefore you're a lot stronger than you may feel right now.
I'd suggest speaking to your friend, telling how you feel because otherwise she may not know and you need that support system.
Good luck.
xx
thanks. this means a lot. <3
ReplyDeletex