back again.

so, what you missed? i'll try to do it in four sentences or less: I didn't go out on a date with that boy because it was my aunt's last day in america and she's more important. I snuck around with her to see my old friends and watch Scott Pilgrim (which I LOVED) and steal cigarettes. Then I spent about two weeks or so with my best friend who came in from Utah but she's gone now. That's why I haven't posted shit for a while.



Oh. Four sentences. Cool.



In other, more repetative news, I feel like I'm fucking everything up. This is the fifth time I've moved in the past year and a half and the second time I have to start my life over. Not COMPLETELY, but mostly. I start school next Tuesday and I've been looking for a job but fuck. I have had absolutely fucking nothing to do. It's driving me to fucking tears of boredom. I want to drink. I want to find pills. I want some fucking friends. I feel like I could do without them if I had some substance, but at least I know by now that that only goes so far.



I miss my Mom. It's weird. I don't know what I thought was going to happen. I don't even think about her sometimes, but it just hit me today. I don't even know what I miss.



I'm also kind of angry with myself because I keep having things with people and then I tell them I like them or I want them or whatever it is. And then I don't mean it. And then I get scared. And then I keep going along with it.



But I still like this boy, I think. I think, I think, I think. He's dirty. I mean, that's not what I like, but it's just a fact. He's nice, too, but I'm still scared about something. Like, sometimes it feels safe and then it feels bad. I'm going to keep it at a distance because I just don't want it to get serious. I don't know. Plus, I don't know if I've said this before, but sometimes he doesn't get my jokes. And that turns me off. I don't know. Humor means a lot and sometimes it's just like... Cricket, cricket. So, there's that.

There's also this girl I'm supposed to go out with in a while. I used to really be into her and today I told her that and I just wasn't into it, but I kept going anyways. I don't know why I do that. It's a lot like lying, but it never starts out as a lie.

In short, I need to fucking start something soon. Work, school, fucking something. Pleeeeaaasseee, God, Saints, PEOPLE, give me something to do with my life.