I cried yesterday. I was waiting for it to happen, but I already feel better today. I hardly cry. I hate it. I usually feel better after especially because I dont like holding onto things, but it makes me feel week and I can't get tears out much anyways. I can't even remember the last time I cried, but everything kind of just came crashing down. The reality of things and this crappy situation. I have to remember that it gets bad before it gets good, right? That's usually the case, anyways, I think.
I also stopped taking my meds three days ago. I think that might've contributed. My freakish moodswings are back and my crouded thoughts and all that stupid shit. I need to go back on them, I think. I texted my mom telling her I thought I should get them back and she said it's probably just because I'm going crazy living here and I could come back if I get a job and respect her. Fuck her.
She kicked me out three years ago when I was going into high school because she thought I had an eating disorder (I don't and I never did, she creates stories in her head and fully believes them) and after throwing a cookbook at my face I told her I wasn't coming back and she said 'fine, don't.' But I did because I was only fourteen and going to a different high school scared me plus she kept asking me to come back. My dad says it's because she wants the money she gets from child support and part of me believes that's true, but I don't know. She's way materialistic, especially since she moved to the Laguna Dana Point area. After I came back, we moved five times and got in more fights. I probably should've just stayed gone, but that's what I can do now.
My Step-Grandmother can be really fucking annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love her and her thick accent but she complains about everything and I've been cleaning so much since I got here and she says otherwise.
There's about to be ten people living here. I don't even have my own bed. I'll do my best. Even this, with all the complications, is better than living with my mother.
I'm sorry that you cried and things aren't getting better. But look on the brightside! Right? :) No more fights with your mom.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the eating disorder idea. I think all moms think that about their daughter at some point. Mine did. Last year. She got so paranoid that she wouldn't let me use the bathroom with the door closed. Because I have a horrible habbit of using it right after I eat. It sucked. And even though she's joking she still says things like you little anorexic.
Moms.
I hope things get better!