Sometimes I am so lost in this universe. Boo-hoo, cliche. But honestly, it's like I'm just floating around. I'm not sure if we all have an actual purpose or if everyone creates their own purpose. I guess it's the latter because if we all had a purpose, you'd figure someone would've told us what it was by now.
I think about dying every now and then, but I'd never kill myself. I know there's going to be a time where I can live with myself, for myself and I guess that's what I'm waiting for.
I have a job and I don't like it. My boss is an asshole, he can't get my name right, everyone makes fun of me for having a crush on one of the employees (which I actually find sort of amusing, i guess), and I work pretty much alone unless one of the cooks starts a talk. Yesterday, one of them asked me how my boyfriend was or some shit, i couldn't really understand him. And I was like, "My boyfriend?" And he pointed at the cute employee who got all embarrassed and turned around to cook his meat. I'm a vegetarian. I told him I don't date guys who cook meat. We laughed about it and it didn't bother me; I'm glad I can joke about that shit. We're at the point where everyone openly discusses my crush.
This is what has made me get over it real, real fast. And now that I don't get butterflies in my stomach before work anymore, it's really fucking boring and lame and I can't stand all the meat. But I can't quit until I get another job. Whatever. I honestly just don't care about the job at all, only the money.
I'm lucky to even have a job.
I'll be more happy once I start meditating again.
I'll be back. I'm sleepy.
the more that you fear us, the bigger we get
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